Losing hope

It's hard when you know you are trying your best yet people can't see it and people don't know it. It's a fact I overthink but I can't help it but it's not a fact I should suffer all these. Maybe I should have cared and lived a carefree life on my own. Be selfish and let everyone hate. I dunno. I'm losing hope, I'm trying yet it doesn't show! Shouldn't be feeling like this especially one day before my overseas trip but really too much to go through especially going through over and over again. It's like I'm treated like that so don't blame me if you guys feel I keep things or what.. I'm really hanging on and in the verge of giving up especially when things keep repeating. Maybe I do sth wrong? Let me know please if not I will keep thinking which I shouldn't. 

Shouldn't have think but I did. 

Shouldn't have cried but I cried. 

Judge me and let me know. I dunno really dunno. Am I doing everything wrongly? I dunno.. Really dunno.. 

If only I don't think, it will save all the trouble...