Goodbye Joyann

To my one and only Joyann,

Life's unpredictable
Thats what they always say.
Treasure those before they leave you
We always agree on these words but when reality hits in, you regret not making the little, extra effort, the first move and all you can do now is regret, regret and regret.

Though they all say you are at a better place, I know you will rather be with us. But nonetheless, I'm happy your are free from all the sickness and sufferings and I am sure you will be a happy angel up there. I'm glad to have crossed paths with you, met you and became one of my closest family in poly #cs1314. My only regret is not to know you better, not to keep in touch after we graduate, not to visit you and not to reach on time to see you one last time. I'm sorry i can't rush in time to see you for the very last time and not being to send you off but you are constantly on my mind this past few days. Flashbacks of the events we went through, the memories we created together, I can't help but tear and think of all the negativities but I promise you I will be stronger and I will be as cheerful as you always were.

Where it all started. Handpicked by our moms Cheryl and Raquel and here we are for our first orientation camp/day. It feels like it just happened yesterday where we were still having our introductions, carrying out missions... All these memories become extra precious and it makes us really think how fortunate we were to be together as one. To attend the many events and finding joy in doing meaningful deeds and enjoying the process. How i wish time could rewind to those days where though we were busy, we still take out time for events, catch up, meeting etc.. CS will never be the same without you.. We will never be complete without you.. 

I dread to think that the last time we met was during our graduation. Its either I have poor memory or its a fact but I'm sorry to not think deep enough in thinking that your illness could be a serious one. I keep thinking to myself it must be some sort of fate to have you as my Secret Santa for our Chrismas gift exchange last year but I won't be able to receive that present of yours ever again.. I am sorry for not showing you the care and concern you needed most. I am sorry for contemplating over and over again and ended up not doing anything like sending a simple text to ask how are you. I am sorry for taking you for granted. I am sorry for thinking that you were sick coz of a minor illness and would recover anytime soon. 

I miss your smile. Miss your laughter. Miss your braces. Miss your cheerful look. Miss everything about you. Everything happened just too fast for all of us to understand and comprehend. I knew I had to rush down to see you no matter what when I saw that message. I hope I could make it in time but I couldn't. The next moment, I knew of the news of your passing and I keep hoping its not real. I was afraid to witness for myself. I didn't want to. It breaks my heart to see you lying there, it won't be forgotten. I really hope you are at a better place now, somewhere you can live happily with. Somewhere you can oversee us and know that everyone here misses you. 

Till now, I still weren't sure what exactly happen to you. Misjudgement? Cancer? No matter what, I hope whoever that caused with such consequence will suffer and get what they deserve. You are someone who were so kind, helpful, cheerful and like they say life is unfair. Hard to accept the fact that you were gone. Its just hard for us to get through all these in our age where we have so much much more to do in the future. I printed #cs1314 photos long time ago intending to do a card for all of us but ended up not doing.. I wrote a small note behind this photo hoping to be able to pass it to you and hope the words will miraculously work and in no time you will recover and be the bubbly Joyann we all knew. But things usually don't always work out the way we hoped it would.. 

I'm sorry for not being able to send you off one last time. Like they said, it drizzled and its a good sign. I know its a sign from you to us to tell us that you will be happy up there. Be the happy and bubbly Joyann we all know you for. I'll miss you. Rest in peace, Joyann. 

-25th February 2017. 1303-