I'll miss you, ah tai

 

7 - 12 June 2017. 

Received the news sadly from Mum when otw to collect Dad's IC that ah tai passed away. It hurts to hear my mum crying over phone and the shocking news as we just went to see her last Sunday at her house and she was still ok back then. Mixed feelings throughout and my only regrets is not spending enough time and creating enough memories tgt. But i know its more hurting for mum as ah tai was the one that raised her up back then when she was a child and she definitely played a big part and a huge role in my mum's life. Can't help feeling the gratitude towards her coz without her = no mum = no me and bro :(

I can't describe this feeling coz the passing of ah tai seriously impacted my back then in life and i feel that i am obliged to play a part and contribute for her for the last time. Accompanied mum coz I don't want her to be alone at the wake for the 5 days held below the block. Pulled through the 4 nights with the cousins but actually not coz they are like one generation up so should be uncles and aunties but I'll rather treat them as cousins so the segregation is minimised. Really good times and I'm really thankful. You lose some and you gain some.

I've always felt more connect towards my dad's side mainly coz the weekly visits to my ah gong house and the continuous CNY celebrations and visitings, occasions, holidays etc. But after this, I really want to make an extra effort to get closer to my mum's side as well. I believe we can do this together :D


                                   

Hakka tradition. Its actually a dragon made out with sand. Dying art I would say which is actually quite spectacular to watch them slowly craft it. Its pretty nice and a pity that I don't remember it back then during tai gong's passing. But I'm glad I'm able to picture it this time round and would definitely remember for life.

                                        

Group shot with the dragon. Its a pity that the weather wasn't really cooperating that day as it rained in the day twice and we had to quickly put the canvas over and touch-up work had to be done. It became worse later at night where the rain was pretty heavy and didn't stop anytime soon. But no matter what, I guess its an unforgettable experience alongside with them all.

                                     

The day when we have to cremate ah tai's body at Mandai. Pretty flowers which were put and placed prettily on ah tai's coffin one by one. Flashbacks of the scene when I'm typing this...

Had the traditional walk for a distance barefooted on the road before we travelled to the crematorium by bus...

After that, headed back to burn these for ah tai. Proper closure I could say. Though at times I'm lost and not sure what to do to help, I'm sure my presence alongside with my mum helps a little in everything. Just to end off, treasure your loved ones and don't wait till its too late before you regret in the little things in life. Miss you ah tai.


Its really a closure after today. 5 days of wake, standard rituals, cremate of body, collecting the ash today and placing it beside tai gong today. A part of me still can't bear and accept the fact that you have left us. The alternate Sundays we went down to visit you, the past few days staying up at the wake to be by your side... I know people always say you tend to put in more effort when the person is gone and it all don't works. But I really hope it works for you and you know how I felt for the nights I've stayed at your wake to let a piece of me feel better for not doing more and not doing enough for you..

Rest in peace ah tai, I love you :3