FRIENDS

I'm sorry friends. If you are not going to put in effort to be there for me and to show your concern, it's very hard for me to harbour thoughts and hope that our friendship will last. Like how stories and past sharings of how friends become enemies and how its so hard to find true friends that would stand by you and really give you the hug and wise words that make you walk through your darkness and be positive in what's about to come.

After all that had happened, I got to admit I became a little more mature or maybe so much more mature that I can't believe myself for thinking it that way. In the past, I used to treasure friendship so much so that I can't afford to lose them. Not saying I don't treasure them now coz I think I'll die without the constants in my life just that I tend to accept how others think and not have high expectations in people that simply don't care.

But as time passes, when the effort you put in is not reciprocated that people take you for granted. Actually its just one incident that make me feel like that. If its like small things, I would resolved it on the spot coz no point leaving it on a bad note and both parties got to think through when we go home etc. However, if I really tried and initiate a topic and its a pretty serious one, if you as a friend really care about me, no matter how busy you are the least you could do is a reply..

I mean at times like that it makes me wonder... Even someone I don't meet as often, when I told her about it she asked me immediately if I would like to meet but why can't you. Am I expecting too much for you to show such concern to me at the right time? I'm not expecting the whole world to stop moving just coz of me.

I just have to admit a very bad habit of mine or rather a bad thinking of mine. Coz once I tell myself that it won't work, no point trying it means that. So don't blame me if I choose to avoid meeting you coz it really sucks to have high expectations and getting it smashed so terribly. It's just the extra protection I give myself to not get hurt.

So if you hate me and I know it, its very hard to turn things around. I might be selfish but I always believe it takes two hands to clap. You can't expect everyone to wait for you to be free before you can join us. Neither can you expect things to always go your way coz people have feelings and at times people want things to go their ways too.

PS: There's actually a lot of blog posts in mind that I wanna post but it might be too overwhelming. Just to assure anybody that's reading this and know what happens that I'm fine so don't worry. Its just that such thoughts need to be noted somewhere and I choose to pen it down here.